Hey, Dominic Rhodes, sorry to hear about getting released from the Oakland Raiders. That’s a total bummer. You revealed in an interview yesterday on Sirius Satellite Radio that you restructured your contract a few months ago with the Raiders so that if they drafted Darren McFadden, they would release you. I can understand the desire to be a starting running back and achieve NFL glory rather than share touches with a rotating running back tandem. That’s exactly why you should board the first plane for Chicago and ink a contract with the Chicago Bears. Hell, you can even crash at my place for a while until you get on your feet and take the starting job from Cedric Benson by…….oh there you go, you’re already the starting running back.
You were signed for the Raiders for $1.75 million? If you crash at my place that should save you some dough, and I can throw together a pot of mac and cheese once in a while, so that should bring it down to about $1.5 million right? Considering you’ve rushed for over 1,000 yards in a season that’s a huge upgrade from the running back situation we have in Chicago right now. The best part is you’ll only have to share carries with Benson until he gets injured, which will probably happen in training camp when he ties his shoelaces too tight and ruptures a tendon.
Wouldn’t it be great to be the starting Bears running back? Look what it did to Thomas Jones‘ career and scored him a huge contract in New York. We just drafted a huge tackle to solidify our line and give you good running lanes. Lord knows we can’t throw the ball, just look at our quarterback and wide receiver situation. You could totally become a fantasy stud and be loved by middle-aged men bored at work across the world.
I hear you had to sit out 4 games last season due to abusing the NFL substance abuse policy, let’s not make that a habit. You can drink anything that’s in the fridge, I pretty much only buy water, juice, and coke so that should keep you out of trouble. Don’t get any funny ideas about the coke, I mean the polar bear kind, not the flying unicorn kind. Plus you’d be making the jump from the highly competitive AFC to the wide open pastures of the NFC where anything is possible. Any team with determination and a complete ignorance of their glaring weakness can reach the Super Bowl. Refer to the NFC representative in the Super Bowl for about the last 5 years for an example. Sometimes they actually win the game too!
So come on over to Chicago, I’ll make the guest bed and wash the sheets first cause your VIP like that. You’ll be named the starting running back after about the time you get done running out on to the field for the first practice and show us what a 1,000 yard rushing season looks like up close. I’ll start making some mac and cheese.