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Top Ten Ways to Protect Jay Cutler
After the beating Jay Cutler took at the hands of the lowly Cleveland Browns, the Bears came out today and talked about strategies they’ll try to protect Jay Cutler. They covered the usual boring things like shifting the pocket and moving Jay around to keep opposing defenders off him. That’s all well and good, but I think they need to take some more drastic measures. Here are my Top 10 Ways to Protect Jay Cutler:
10. Dig a moat at the line of scrimmage
This might slow down defenders, but Forte might have an even tougher time hitting the right hole.
9. Tie opponents shoelaces together
Now all we need is a little guy to sneak across the line of scrimmage to do it. Garrett Wolfe isn’t doing much.
8. Spike the opposing sidelines’ Gatorade
7. Replace opponents’ spikes with roller skates
6. Have Jay wear a red jersey every week and tell opponents that they can’t hit the guy in the red jersey.
5. Allow the Bears Offensive line to use tasers
4. Get Jay one of those padded suits that dog trainers wear
3. Use a Delorean converted into a time machine to bring back Orlando Pace circa 2000.
2. Use a stunt double wearing a #6 jersey
This guy isn’t busy right now.
1. Start using hot routes:
Wait. That’s what they’ve been doing so far this season.
i just watched wedding crashers last weekend…i love that scene…hell…i love that whole movie!!! one of vince’s best!!!
November 5th, 2009 at 12:19 pm[...] Top Ten Ways to Protect Jay Cutler [...]
November 6th, 2009 at 1:11 am