Drivin’ Deez Nuts: Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

Something smells funny down at Soldier Field and it’s not dead fish on the lake shore.  The Chicago Bears, aptly named, offensive coordinator, Mike Martz, has been doing a lot of talking recently, and it’s starting to add up to a load of crap.  Let’s take a look at a couple of Martz’ promises and predictions over the last month or two and see what we can infer from them.

On August 2nd, Mike Martz said that Roy Williams as an “elite” receiver who will catch 70-80 balls this season.

Now, according to ESPN, Martz said, “I think the combination of [Roy Williams] and Johnny [Knox], when you look at the opener when they were both healthy and really going, that’s pretty good. That’s what you would want at that position. That position combined, 90 catches maybe and a whole lot of yards, and between the two of them, that’s certainly a possibility.”

So, by my count, that leaves Knox with a “possibility” of 10-20 catches for the season.  He already has nine.

Conclusion: Liar.

In Week 2, after the loss to the New Orleans Saints, Martz said, “Obviously if you throw the ball that much, you’re going to lose [Jay Cutler].  So you can’t do that; and we won’t. We want to be balanced.”

Now, in Week 3 against the Green Bay Packers, he runs the ball even less (52 pass/11 run against Saints; 43 pass/9 run against Packers) and calls a slightly higher percentage of passing plays (82.54 percent passing plays against Saints; 82.69 percent passing plays against Packers).

Conclusion: Liar.

Mike Martz needs to get his head out of Lovie Smith’s butt before the whole team goes up in flames.

Conclusion: Pants on fire.

I don’t see how any Chicago Bears fan can truly trust Mr. Toasty Trousers any farther than they can throw him, which is probably the same distance as Matt Forte’s average on this last 17 rushes (0.47 yards/rush).   After this week, I refuse to listen to anymore nonsense coming out of Mr. Blazin’ Britches’ mouth.  The words mean absolutely nothing.

And, yes, some people will say that the running game stinks in general.  However, I think that Mr. Smoldering Slacks is just too predictable, and the stupidity that is lining his pockets is feeding the flames.

Of his 47 calls for a running play, 28 have been on first down, 18 have been on second down and one has been on third down.  I repeat, one has been on third down.  Well, there’s the main reason why the team is just 11-40 on third down.  Everyone knows that they are going to pass.

So, in conclusion, Martz lies, has no idea how to call a game, and needs to buy some new pants.  I just hope he can make some adjustments soon or the “easy” part of the Bears schedule is going to be their downfall.

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