The Cover Stew: The Fine Print of the Matt Forte Contract


While the entire city is ecstatic over the fact that the Bears hammered out a deal to lock up RB Matt Forte for 4 years at an average of $8M per year, many pundits wonder why Forte didn’t press for a 5 year pact like was given to fellow RB Ray Rice within hours of Forte signing his deal.

The rationale lies in the fine print of the contract which the Bear Goggles On’s Cover Stew team has been able to obtain exclusively.

 

The fine print of the Forte contract includes such perks as:

  • VIP Parking at Halas Hall (while the starting RB for the Bears)
  • Weekly foot massages from Virginia McCaskey
  • Use of the Staley mascot costume on weekends throughout the offseason (may be used for moonlighting activities, i.e. children’s birthday parties, but may not in any way be associated with any less puritan endeavors, i.e. bachelorette parties)
  • Butler services of George McCaskey during 30 consecutive days during the offseason
  • Forte will have his likeness included on bottles of the next vintage of Ditka’s Kick Ass Red to be released in the summer of 2013 and receive 25% of the royalties from the sales
  • Photography services of Michael McCaskey services for any events hosted by Forte
  • Services of the Soldier Field ground crew to tear up and replace the sod at Forte’s primary residence twice per annum whether this service is needed or not

Forte commented on these perks, “Use of the Staley costume was huge.  I have a lot of nieces and nephews and to be able to entertain them during the offseason is a huge blessing.  Honestly, this was the final sticking point that the Bears finally gave in on early on Monday morning.”

While it is not known exactly what, if any ramifications, these special perks will have on team camaraderie, at least one Bears player, besides Forte, was ecstatic with the Staley costume perk.

“You know, I know who I’m hiring for the baby’s first birthday party,” said a relieved Jay Cutler.  “Little Forte Cutler, you know, will be stoked to have his namesake dressed up as Staley to entertain him.”

 The Cover Stew is a satirical look at the Chicago Bears, Football and Life in General.

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