August 18, 2012; Chicago, IL, USA; Chicago Bears offensive coordinator Mike Tice during the second half against the Washington Redskins at Soldier Field. The Bears beat the Redskins 33-31. Mandatory Credit: Rob Grabowski-US PRESSWIRE

The Cover Stew: Interesting Twist in the Battle for the Starting Left Tackle Position


The 3rd preseason game of the year typically looms large for NFL teams and their fans.  For the Chicago Bears, this year is no different.  The Bears are anxious to show the world on their nationally televised pre-season game versus the Giants this Friday that they should be taken seriously this year.  Fans are anxious to see what a full week of game planning means for a team that showed some flashes of explosiveness last week versus the Washington Redskins.  Lastly, for the Bears, there are still some positions up for grabs, namely who will win the starting nod at left tackle.  J’Marcus Webb and Chris Williams have both showed flashes through two pre-season games and Offensive Coordinator, Mike Tice, has stated that this 3rd preseason game will likely determine the winner of the starting spot.  However, the OC has a contingency plan if neither stands out as the clear cut winner.

“I have been mulling this over in my head and, of course, listening to what you all (in the media) say,” said Tice.  “These guys know what’s at stake.  This is their livelihood and their passion and each one wants to win the job.  That said, if neither guy wins the job outright, we might have to solve this the old fashioned way…cage match.”

Tice has long been known to be a fan of the squared circle and told reporters about how he always admired wrestling greats such as Hulk Hogan, Big John Stud and King Kong Bundy.  No one ever expected his love of professional wrestling would transcend his tenure as an NFL coach.

“A lot of problems were solved in the wrestling ring.  A lot of things people thought couldn’t be done, were done.  Who thought Hulk Hogan could ever body slam Andre the Giant?  Not this guy, so I think this creates a fair opportunity for these guys to solve this left tackle debate.”

“Coach Tice told me about this plan,” said Webb, “and I am down with that.  Whatever it takes to win the job, I am willing to do it.  If that means putting Chris down with a steel chair, I am prepared to do that.”

Chris Williams did not seem intimidated at all, “I went to Vanderbilt.  I am extremely intelligent and a tactician.  J-Webb won’t know what hit him when I put him in a figure four leg lock and twist all the gravy out (of) his chubby legs.”

 There is no word yet if this match would be open for the media to attend and there is no truth to the rumor that Ed Hocculi would be used as the referee.

 The Cover Stew is a satirical look at the Chicago Bears, Football and Life in General.

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  • flowermike

    wow De Con. they’re even joking internally about the predicament. If Tice is “listening to the media” maybe he’s trolling comment boards looking for advice.

    Get a fucking left tackle moron.

    Sincerely, Jay Cutler