There is turmoil in JWebb Nation! After a rough outing against the Packers, the residents of the small island nation off the shores of Lake Michigan near Chicago have overturned the government and removed president J’Marcus Webb from power and replaced him with a new, more powerful leader, Clay Matthews.
“Matthews represents our vision for the future of JWebb Nation. His power and speed, coupled with his determination and dreamy blonde locks are how we want to represent our nation,” one of the dissidents explained.
Webb tried to fend off the invading forces, but Matthews blew right past them to seize power. “Man, we tried to hold our own, but that dude is not just fast, he’s strong as hell. Did you see him bull rush me? And I’ve got about 80 pounds on him. But this ain’t over. I’m going to re-group and take back what’s mine. I founded this nation and I’m not giving up. We were just about to get our first Starbucks, so you know we were legit. In the meantime, I’m just gonna talk about what I had for breakfast and stuff on Twitter. Plus, I got all these shirts to sell,” explained the ousted Webb.
“I don’t really even care all that much about JWebb Nation, but it’s so close to Chicago, I thought it would be a nice place to crash after I go boozin on Rush Street,” Matthews proclaimed. “Just to leave no doubt who’s in charge, I made myself King. Maybe we can find a place for J’Marcus on my court somewhere. I think we have an opening for court jester.”
The Cover Stew is a satirical look at the Chicago Bears, Football and Life in General.