While the euphoria over the Chicago Bears dominance on Sunday in Tennessee has yet to subside, there is a huge game on Sunday night versus the highly regarded 7-1 Houston Texans. Reports today indicate that Bears all-world CB Charles “Peanut” Tillman may not be available to play if his wife is in labor as they are expecting their 4th child, a daughter. Missing Tillman on Sunday would be a huge blow for the Bears defense as he is expected to be assigned to Texans WR Andre Johnson. Also, Peanut has had a bit of a knack for causing fumbles this season, so his missing the game would be significant. However, it appears those reports may be false and Peanut has an idea to ensure he plays on Sunday night.
“I don’t know, what do you guys call it? The Peanut Punch or some nonsense?” asked Tillman of reporters. “Well, every night after practice this week, I am working on a new maneuver, the Baby Punch, said Tillman. “I am not planning to injure my wife or baby in any way shape or form, but you have seen how I can punch the ball out, so why not a baby?” Tillman asked.
Reporters inquired how Tillman is “practicing” this maneuver and if he has had any experience with it in the past.
“It’s simple,” said Tillman, “I just ask J-Webb to put on Robbie’s (Gould) jersey on and stuff a football underneath and then I just run up and WHAM,” said Tillman.
“Yeah, we have done it about 5 or 6 times and the baby, I mean, ball comes out nice and smooth every time,” confirmed Bears OT J’Marcus Webb. “It don’t hurt or nothin.”
There is not necessarily any truth to the rumor that Tillman will ask normally sure handed WR Brandon Marshall to “be on the receiving end,” but Marshall assured the media he would be there to help his teammate if asked.
“The D has been carrying us all year,” said Marshall. “So, yeah, I got his back.”
The Cover Stew is a satirical look at the Chicago Bears, Football and Life in General.