So You Want to be a Chicago Bears Fan, Eh? Be Careful What You Wish For!

I can not count the times I have asked myself, out of pure frustration, why can you not just root for another team? My family, after hearing me curse and yell at the TV ask the same exact thing. With the exact same result…a certain serene calm, almost melancholy sets in. Silence at last as I see the error of my ways and am somewhat embarrassed for my outburst.  I rationalize in my own mind “Mouser, you just can’t help yourself”.

Funny thing is, I am not an emotional person. In my professional career, I have undergone self-examination tests and examination from industrial psychologists as well. One personality inventory used the word “vulcan” to describe my calm, emotionless approach to problem solving and things that most deem difficult emotionally. So what the heck is the problem Mouser?  A wise man told me once that if I talk to myself, I will get more intelligent answers.  Note to self:  don’t write everything that is on your mind!

The fact is, this Chicago Bears team gets my blood boiling. My passion overflows on Sundays. There is no other team that I can root for.  Give me the Chicago Bears or give me …. Sesame Street. 

I even lived in Wisconsin for 10 very long years. I showed up in 1993, about the time Brett Favre showed up in the land of Chedder-heads. I giggled at first, as Favre threw interception after interception. Then my giggle turned to sheer horror as he annihilated the Bears time and time again. Embarrassing it was.  Humiliating to see my fellow workers and colleagues show up proudly wearing their Green and Gold.  Yes, they complained about Favre but at least they did not have to endure McNown, Krenzel, Quinn,  Stewart, or Hutchinson.  Now that was a motley crew.  Em-Bear-assing I say.

Those friendly Packer fans asked me why I just don’t convert…”resistance is futile” runs through my head regularly. For those Star Trek fans, I think it likely that you can understand. My wife gave me a small Bears clock for my desk, and while on vacation, some zealous Packer fan cut a Green Bay G and taped it in my clock over the Chicago C. What could I say? The Bears stunk, but I still had to watch every Sunday. A glutton for punishment I guess.

I even gave fantasy football a shot.  Who on the Bears would you have taken a few years ago?  Defense for sure and probably Robbie Gould. If that doesn’t sum up the futility of fandom in Beardom, what does?  During those 10 painful years, I even became a Viking fan…shaking head in disgust.  The Bears sure couldn’t beat the Pack so I might as well root for a team that could…at least that was how I rationalized the poisoning of my mind and character.  I am forever scarred as a result of the experience and to this day, I abhor the color Purple.  Viking movies are forbidden in my house.  My wife is a Viking fan, and on Sunday’s, we watch football in separate rooms.  That keeps us from marriage counselling.  Maybe the wisest investment we ever made was two televisions.

I hear those Viking horns in my nightmares and I see Robert Smith running off tackle only to snap back into reality and realize it is Matt Forte.  Am I the only one on this planet that sees the similarity between Forte and Smith?  Actually, not a bad RB to aspire to be like.  Who am I kidding; the Bears stunk then but I still rooted for them every Sunday.  I ate crow regularly and just dealt with it.  I am tougher than a hardened leather boot now as a result.  I am reminded of that old adage… “what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger”.  Whew, that puts me in the Darwin hall of fame for a species surviving a planetary, extinction level, comet strike!

Well maybe I am being a little dramatic.  See what happens Bear fans when I just rant.  When my words and emotions flow freely with regard to the Bears.  A veritable cornucopia of emotional outbursts and a panacea of rhetoric.  My English teacher would be proud of my vocabulary, but sadly, she was not a Bear fan so there is no more to say about that.

How does one become infected with such a condition as Bear fans around the country have?  With nothing said about it from the Center for Disease Control (CDC).  I am certain that this affliction is infectious.  It’s origin can be traced to an area within 100 miles of the Southwest Corner of Lake Michigan.  Its symptoms include profuse sweating on Sundays along with sudden emotional outbursts during game time.  significant fingernail biting starting week 12 of each NFL season.  An unquenchable appetite for all things Bears related including news, radio programs, an obsession with Bears Jersey’s and a willingness to root for a team, even when they lose with the regularity of the sunrise.

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