Fearing for His Life, Glenn Beck Apologizes to Brian Urlacher

Glenn Beck put his foot in his mouth and now, fearing for his life, he’s issued an apology.  Beck caused a stir by referring to Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher as a ne0-Nazi.  Realizing that Urlacher eats pieces of shit like him for breakfast (Urlacher eats pieces of shit for breakfast???), Beck issued the following apology:

“During a segment about myself being named one of the ‘blackest white folks we know’ by the website theroot.com, I made a few comments about some others on the list,” Beck wrote. “Now, I know absolutely nothing about sports, so I didn’t realize that one of them was NFL star Brian Urlacher.

“Since then, I have been informed by my staff that Brian — uh, Mr. Urlacher — could kill me with his thumb in nine seconds if he wanted to. Although if we are talking about people in Chicago wanting to beat me up, he’s going to have to stand in a very long line.

“Anyway, I apologize to anyone who was offended. I just made a neo-Nazi joke based on the short hair and white skin; I don’t actually think he has fascist plans to take over the Earth.”

Beck also referenced jokes he made about others on the list, before taking a shot at reporters who called asking about the Urlacher comment instead of other material from the show.

“In fact all 17 minutes [of the show] on financial reform were true, but the media only called whining about what joke-y name I might have called a star athlete who likely could care less what I say because he can take care of himself,” Beck wrote.

“And they say the media doesn’t focus on the right things?”

For the record, I hate the “if I offended anyone” non-apology.  Better to say, “I said something dumb in a lame-ass effort to be funny.  I am sorry.”  You may now resume hating Glenn Beck and/or preparing for training camp.  That is all.

BEAR DOWN!!!

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Tags: Brian Urlacher Glenn Beck Neo Nazi

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