It’s been a looong while since I dusted off the old LOWER THE BOOM logo but it’s high time to tee someone up and today’s contestant is none other than Brett Favre. But only part of this rant is directed at his “Indecision 2010″ and shameless pursuit of the spotlight. He’s at it again. I will. I won’t. I’ll go throw to the high school kids. My ankle hurts. Enough!
Favre-watch 2010 went to Defcon 5 on Tuesday when Favre supposedly texted some teammates that he was going to retire, foregoing his 20th season for Wrangler commercials and the simple life on the back of a tractor in Harriesburg, MS. Then he claimed he never texted anyone. He claims he’ll play if he’s healthy. Or when training camp is over, whichever comes first. None of that shouldn’t come a surprise to anyone. We all know how this movie ends. It’s like the Police Academy series with Favre playing the Steve Guttenberg role.
But this latest in the Favre series takes a sharp turn toward an NC-17 rating on the heels of the Deadspin report that Old #4 sent some salacious pictures to Versus’ Jennifer Sterger. And by salacious, I mean Favre sans the Wranglers. Apparently his ankle isn’t the only swollen body part that Brett has shared with the world.
If you are offended by frank adult conversation, it’s time for you to turn away from Bears Goggles On. For the rest of you, follow me after the jump.
According to the Deadspin post, Favre sent numerous photos of his penis to Jennifer Sterger back in 2008 when they were both with the NY Jets organization. This from Deadspin’s AJ Daulerio:
We later had a phone conversation about who some of the more well-known dong-shot senders were. One person, she claimed, who was very into cell phone-donging her was none other than Brett Favre. Now, at one point in his career, this news wouldn’t be too surprising. Favre’s time in Green Bay is littered with stories about his boozing and carousing. But gray-haired Favre? Oh yeah, she said.
Sterger claimed that she spurned Favre’s advances not only because he was married but because they were both working for the Jets. Then things took a turn:
The interactions were flirty and strange but she didn’t think there wasn’t anything that made her too uncomfortable. But then, one night, Sterger received a picture on her phone which was so shocking that she just tossed it across the room. It was his dick. Brett Favre’s dick. And it happened multiple times. In fact, Sterger claims that, in one of the photos Favre allegedly sent her, he’s masturbating — while wearing a pair of Crocs. In another photo, Favre is holding his penis while wearing the wristwatch he wore during his first teary-eyed retirement press conference.
It’s nice to know that I have something in common with one of the all-time greats. I’m kidding honey. I was combing my hair! I swear!
This just goes to show that old people shouldn’t text. It can only get you into trouble. For Christ’s sake, he’s a goddam grandfather. The only time people should see a grandpa’s cock is because he forgot to zip up. So put you dick back in your pants, get you ass to training camp and do what we all know what you’re going to do. Stop being an attention whore!
For my parting shot, here’s a clip from Seinfeld that reminded me of this latest turn in Favre-watch (no pun intended):
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