Packers Jokes


It’s Packers week, so I thought it would be appropriate to re-post some old joke to get things going.  Enjoy and feel free to add your favorites in the Comments section…

Shipwrecked

A Bears fan, a Packers fan, and a Vikings fan get shipwrecked on an island and some natives take them to their king.  At first, the king plans to execute them, then, he decides to grant them one wish, twenty lashes on the back, and let them go.
The Vikings fan wishes for a pillow strapped to his back. It doesn’t hold well during the whipping and broke after 5 whips, leaving 15 painful marks on his back.  The Packers fan wishes for 2 pillows.  It lasts for ten whips and he ended up screaming in pain.  When it was the Bears fan’s turn though, a smile came across his face.

“I wish for 300 whips,” the king thought the Bears fan was being very brave and noble, so he gave him another wish. “I wish the Packers fan was strapped to my back!”

Cheesehead School teacher

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cheesehead.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they are
Cheeseheads too.

No one really knowing what a Cheesehead was, but wanting
to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy
fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen
who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has
decided to be different.

“Because I’m not a Cheesehead.”

“Then”, asks the teacher, “what are you?”

“Why, I’m a proud bear Fan,” boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks
Kristen why she is a rebel.

“Well, my mom and dad are Bear Fans, so I’m a Bear Fan too.”

The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if
your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”

A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be a Cheesehead”

Rapid Fire

Q: What is the difference between a Packer fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: Did you here about the Packer fan that died at a pie eating contest?
A: The cow kicked him in the head!

Q: What do you call a 350 pound Packer fan?
A: An anorexic!
Q: What do you call a beautiful girl in Green Bay?
A: A tourist.

Q: What do you call a blind date with a Packer Backer?
A: Brown-bagging it.

Q: What’s the real reason that women from Green Bay can always keep their figures?
A: Hell, no one else wants them.

Q: What do you call a good looking woman with a Packer fan?
A: A hostage

Q: Why do Packer fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them as well.

Q: What’s the difference between a porcupine and Lambeau Field?
A: The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine.

Q: Why can’t Ryan Grant get into his own driveway?
A: Someone painted and endzone on it.

Q: What does a hunter without a gun in the middle of a forest and Green Bay have in common?
A: Neither of them can stop the Bears

Q: What do cheeseheads and hemorrhoids have in common?
A: They’re both a pain in the butt and never seem to go away completely.

Q: How do you circumcise a Packer Fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: How does a Packer fan find a sheep in the vast rolling hills of Wisconsin?
A: Satisfying!!!

Q: What do you call a Packer fan with a sheep under his arm?
A: A pimp.

Q: Why does Lambeau Field have the new hybrid turf?
A: To keep the fans from grazing during the game.

Q: What do you call a sober Packer fan?
A: A liar.

Q: How do you save a drowning Packer fan?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: Why did Ryan Grant get so excited after he finished his jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: Why did the Cheese head put a trash can at the alter during his wedding?
A: To keep the flies off his bride.

Q: What does a Wisconsin tornado have in common with a Cheese head going through a divorce?
A: Either way… someone’s losing a trailer.

Q: How did the Packer fan die at the Pie eating contest?
A: HE GOT KICKED BY THE COW!!

Q: Did you hear about the fire at the Packers’ library facilities?
A: Both books were burned, and one of them had not even been colored in yet.

Q: What’s the sad part of a bus full of Packer fans going off a cliff?
A: There’s an empty seat!

Q: Why is it a good idea to bring a Packer fan along to a Vikings game?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: How do we know the tooth brush was invented in Green Bay?
A: Because if it were invented anywhere else it would be called a TEETH brush!

Q: What do you say to a drunken alcoholic who is passed out on your car after a Packer game?
A: “May I have your autograph Mr. Favre?”

Q: What doe’s a Tampon and the packers have in common?
A: Only good for one period and they don’t have a second string!!

Q: What do you call a Wisconsin girl that can run faster than her brothers?
A: A virgin.

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Tags: Bears Bears Packers Jokes Packers

  • http://whad Brett Farve

    Pretty good stuff,… get yo seff a big box o’ kleenex caus you gonna need it fool!

    What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
    The Chicago Bears

    • Mark Magnuson

      Goes to show you how stupid the GB Packers and their fans are…there are 53 Bears on the roster……And that was last year so it is true about GB also. but this year GB will be at home on Feb 6th and the Bears will be in Dallas suited up to play the Steelers.

      • Doug

        They can’t count that high without a Bears fan writing it down for them…but since they can’t read, it doesn’t matter.

        BEAR DOWN!! :-)

      • Steve

        And then you woke up! Cutler is a joke and so are the Bears!

    • Jack

      yessssssssss

    • David Wilson

      Can’t be the Bears then, dummy, because NFL rosters consist of 53 players.

  • Bear Fan

    Guys, just admit it. We are probably going to get stomped lol I’m a Bears fan till death but did you see that Falcons game? Plus they beat us just a few weeks ago. We beat a 8-9 team by only 11. We are going to go down and Rodgers is going to be putting on his belt A LOT!

    • sheanna

      I agree hey have been watching us alot and already kicked are buts but we need to try hard! they are practicing all week so maybe we might give them a challenge. BEARS DOWN :)love the bears so we need this win.

    • Doug

      Really? You’re a Bears fan, and you think that? Have you seen any of their games, especially in the last part of the season…heres a good idea, let’s listen to EVERY dipshit from ESPN/Fox/CBS (name any other sucktard media outlet) and base our opinion on that. Good work.

      Come back when you actually have an organic opinion that’s relevant.

      A) That “8-9″ team you not-so eloquently referred to just beat the defending Super Bowl champs…but I guess they must suck, too huh??

      B) The Falcons were the biggest joke of a #1 in the modern era, and most people knew it. So this Packer world beater mentality makes me want take a deuce in a cup, and mail it to you, pottna!

      We played them close when we didn’t have anything to play for, and still could have won…we will make the adjustments and get things done at home.

      I’d tell you to Bear Down, but I doubt you know what that means anyway…

  • paul

    the bears are so overrated. monsters of the midway my a$$. that D is too old and will get exposed by A-Rodg. the Packers D, mostly Matthews and Woodson, will be in Cu-n-tlers a$$ all game. Bears lose BIG at home…..GO PACK GO!

    • SuperBears

      Matthews and Williams and the Packers D will be in Cutlers what? That confirms what I suspected about the about the Packers!

    • TL

      Why do they call Chicago the Windy City…..becuase Detroit sucks and Green Bay blows!

      Rogers is going to get K.O.’d by Peppers and then that team is not even average, Bear Down!

    • Doug

      Gee, I wish I could be an inbred, trailer trash sucktard cheesehead like you. So, I tell you what…get your sister/wife to make us up a batch a ‘shine, and we’ll discuss how cool it is to be paste eatin’, ass monkey like you…

      BEAR DOWN, BITCH!!!!!

      • ninja

        Inbred? You are silly.

    • Go bears

      You talking about the same D that held Rodgers to 10 points in green bay a couple of weeks ago.

  • Alex

    Lol packers are so stupId and all those douche bags who say that they’re bears fans but that we will get stomped are either packer fans like the ones described in these jokes or really crappy bears fans. If ur really bears fans don’t doubt then like the rest if the nation they will kick butt and surprise everybody but not me

  • Perk

    Keep the jokes coming!!! My husband dragged me kicking and screaming from my hometown in IL to this godforsaken tundra land and I will ALWAYS be a true black and blue BEAR FAN!!! Come on Bears — JUST DO IT AND WIN. No option – JUST DO IT!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR!

  • http://yahoo debbie

    how does the green bay packers practise before a game? put their cheese head hat on and milk a cow

  • http://www.redskins.com cisko

    Jesus those jokes were f’n lame. I’m a skins fan and the funniest thing of all is that 2 of our 6 wins are over the Bears and the Packers! But for real, the Packers are probably going to win, Cutler is just to inconsistent.

  • Dabears

    When the British wore red coats for a uniform it was so the enemy couldn’t see them bleed why do you think the packers wear yellow pants…..

  • http://yahoo brett

    Dennis Green still says it best, “they are who we thought they were”.

    If it wasn’t for the unbelieveably terrible call in game one this season, nullifing a forsure touchdown by Calvin Johnson of the Lions in the final seconds of the game, Detroit would of won and “DUH BEARS” wouldn’t even be in the playoffs. Yes, it’s true, figure it out for yourself.

    • K

      You must be a Packers fan, huh? It’s DA BEARS…not DUH, retard!

  • K

    Umm…the tampon one isn’t quite up to par. Considering football doesn’t have periods—it has quarters….that’s definitely a HOCKEY joke…but none the less! GO BEARS!

  • http://yahoo brett

    Hey K, alright you figured it out, “DUH”—”RETARD”. Very good, your pretty quick for a bears fan.

  • Sarah

    uhm, it’s not a period joke? it’s saying they’ll pee their pants… stupidass. go bears<3

  • Hefner

    congrats cheeseheads…u barely beat us with our inexperienced 3rd string QB

  • http://yahoo brett

    GUESS THE REAL JOKE IS ON “DUH BEARS” NOW!!!!

    HAVE YOU SEEN THE LATEST? BEAR FANS ARE BURNING CUTLER JERSEYS IN CHICAGO! BEAR FANS, YOU GOTTA LOVE EM!

  • Cuntler fellates goats

    You cannot blame the packers defense for being a group of studs and bludgeoning your precious diva quarterback. Perhaps if Chicago would sign a man in the quarterback position he would not have to leave the game due to a heavy flow day. However I would expect nothing less from a bears fan than to blame one player for the shortcomings of a whole team… whatever helps you hibernate in your longer off-season. I look forward to playing them again next year when your collective vajayjays are back in full ovulating condition. – Enjoy watching us win the LOMBARDI trophy A-holes.

  • Dennis

    Ha! Just got a dumb e-mail from retired/retarded people that I know that used to live in Wisconsin 25 years ago and can’t let go…

    Had to show them in Wikipedia were the bears are still ahead of the game in total…

    And don’t forget the score of a previous GB/Bear game~~~~~~~~~~

    Bears 61, Packers 7 (December 7, 1980)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bears%E2%80%93Packers_rivalry

  • bob

    packers won the super bowls suck it

  • kiwiapplepotato

    I WISH MY WIFE SUCKED AS MUCH AS THE BEARS.

  • kiwiapplepotato

    I WISH MY WIFE SUCKED AS MUCH AS THE BEARS.

    • greenbaysucks

      by wife, do you also mean sister?