I don’t know if you know, but back a couple of years ago, I was writing a blog for ChicagoNow cleverly called FIRE LOVIE SMITH. Back then I adapted the Christmas classic ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas to ‘Twas the Night Before Lovie Smith was Fired. While I’m not calling for Lovie’s head, I thought that in the spirit of the season (holiday season and the Bears miserable tailspin of a season), I thought I’d re-print it.
Originally posted December 21, 2009
This Fire Lovie Smith thing is really creeping deep into my subconscious. I had the craziest Christmas dream last night…
‘Twas the night before Bearsmas and up at Halas Hall,
Not a creature was stirring, another offensive stall.
The helmets were hung by the lockers with care,
In hopes that a new coach soon would be there.
The players were huddled in meetings all day,
As dreams of the playoffs faded farther away.
Jerry in his office, Lovie in his Traditions B cap,
Had just settled down for a late-season nap.
When out on Football Drive there arose such a clatter,
They sprang to the window to see what was the matter.
When what to their wondering eyes did appear,
But a torch-bearing mob drawing nearer.
The angry mob charged forward, like out of a myth,
The chants only grew louder – FIRE LOVIE SMITH!
When out of the Hall bearing her pappy’s name,
Virginia appeared and she was doing the same!
“Out Lovie, out Turner, out Babich and Toub,
Pack up your shit and don’t forget Jerry Angelo!”
Throwing the challenge flag, Lovie felt spurned,
But in typical fashion, this call would not be overturned.
“We get off the bus running and play Cover-2,
It’s not just my defense; what about all the picks Jay Cutler threw?”
Jerry protested and made a desperate plea,
“I bring in great players, so quit blaming me.”
But Virginia stood firm and re-stated her case,
“You traded for Gaines Adams and brought us Orlando Pace!”
So the coaches headed out, all stripped of their power
While Virginia picked up the phone to dial up Bill Cowher.
Lovie turned back exclaiming in his Big Sandy drawl,
“Rex is our quarterback, Merry Christmas to all!”
It’s one of my favorites. I’d like your help to come up with a few new verses that would be fitting for the demise of the 2011 Bears. Hit me up in the Comments with your ideas.
Thanks and Season’s Greetings!