Hello readers! My name is Elijah Zelonky. I am 16 years old, and I live in Tennessee. I am comfortable in saying that I am the biggest Bears fan in the country. My dad got me interested the team in a 2003 late season matchup against the Cardinals. The Bears won 28-3, and Brock Forsey outran a washed up Emmit Smith behind a solid performance from quarterback Kordell Stewart and from that point on, I was hooked.
All I wanted to do when I wasn’t at school or playing sports was read about the Bears, talk about the Bears, write about the Bears, theorize about the Bears, and watch shows about the Bears. Whereas most people in my day and age grow up playing football in the backyard pretending to be Peyton Manning or Tom Brady, I grew up actually pretending to be Gale Sayers, Dick Butkus, or, of course, the legendary Walter Payton. Every single free-choice paper I have ever written for school has been about Walter, the single greatest football player off all-time. Sweetness, in my opinion, is an iconic figure who every man should strive to be like. As Matt Millen said in NFL Network’s ‘Pure Payton,’ “There should be more Walter Paytons.” He is the best ever.
I swear, the Packers are out to get me. Just a few days ago, I was almost run over by a Jeep. Sure enough, there was a packer logo on the license plate. Here are a few bullet Points that express my hatred for that team in Wisconsin.
- I hate the Georgia Bulldogs because of their logo.
- I grate cheese every Sunday
- Can’t root for the Oakland A’s. Colors.
- I will never go to State Farm insurance
- January 23rd is a mourning day for me
- I rooted so hard for the 49ers this year and the Giants last year after the Pack lost to them in the playoffs.
- I can’t say the word “packer.” I refer to them as “the team who must not be named” or “that team from Wisconsin.”
- I don’t pack my stuff. I load my stuff.
- Brett Favre is Satan.
- I cannot touch anything with that damn logo on it without feeling dirty.
- I can’t go to Wisconsin without wanting to vomit.
Anyway, more about me. I am the sports reporter for my school news station GHS-TV. I also am an editor and TV producer. I have been a daily Bear Goggles On Reader ever since my Freshman year, and I must say that it is quite the honor to be a member of this team. I always look forward to reading Bear Goggles On when the game is over. The Chicago Bears have been my passion for over half my life, and no site exemplifies this pure passion better than this one.
I yell at my TV more than I yell at anyone else in my house; I just wish Jay could actually hear me. “Jay what are you doing Jay throw the ball come on Jay he’s right- NOOOOO JAY (minor obscenity) I HATE YOU!” or “Come on Jay what are doing don’t do that! No Jay no no no Oh wait that was actually pretty good.” However, out of all the present Bears, Kellen Davis probably owes me the most money so I can buy a new set of vocal chords. However, I’d rather him buy himself a new set of hands.
My favorite Bears memory would have to be either Charles Tillman robbing Randy Moss in the end zone or any of Urlacher’s touchdowns. I was there for the one he had against Tennessee, and it was one of the most exciting moments of my life. The best Bears game I’ve ever seen on TV was either the Monday Night Miracle in Arizona or the divisional playoff game against the Seahawks in the 2006 season. I cannot remember any games that have made me more nervous, yet so happy and relieved. My favorite Bears player of my lifetime is Charles Tillman. He has been on the team for as long as I have been watching and he has always been very good.
So yes. That’s me. My name is Lije, I am 16 years old, and I have an obsession with the Bears that is comfortably insane. If you have any questions about me for any reason, just write me at [email protected]
And of course…