Top 5 Reasons J’Marcus Webb Beat Drug Charges
New JWeed Nation T-shirts coming soon.
Chicago Bears offensive tackle J’Marcus Webb made headlines recently, and not the kind of press he wanted, when he was arrested for marijuana possession. The good news for the 24-year old tackle is that the charges were dropped. Why, you might ask? Here are our Top 5 Reasons J’Webb beat the rap:
5. It was medicinal
After he was pulled over, J’Marcus couldn’t produce the necessary paperwork to prove that his marijuana was medicinal, but a copy of his prescription was faxed down to the Pulaski County State’s attorney by Chicago Bears team physician “Dr. Cameran Gyrl” cleared things up quickly.
4. It’s legal
J’Marcus was able to convince prosecutors that pot is legal in JWebb Nation. “As a sovereign nation, JWebb Nation has legalized pot.” Webb cited diplomatic immunity while travelling outside the borders of JWebb Nation.
3. Webb Threatened to Sue for Being Pushed
While taking Webb into custody, the arresting officer got a little rough with Webb, shoving him multiple times. The good-natured Webb didn’t shove back, as he’s been known to do, and threatened to press charges against the officer.
2. Marc Trestman, Attorney at Law
Many of you may not know this, but new Chicago Bears head coach Marc Trestman is a lawyer. It was actually part of GM Phil Emery’s plan to get his players out of trouble. “In today’s NFL, it’s important to have a head coach who can deal with all aspects of player development, including managing their legal situations. Marc was the perfect fit and actually saves the McCaskeys a few bucks by wearing multiple hats.”
Even though he hasn’t sat for the Illinois Bar Exam just yet, Trestman fired up Bear Force 1 and was down in southern Illinois threatening to file a mountain of motions and the Pulaski County State’s attorney “could go blind on paperwork for the next six months.”
1. The State’s Attorney is a Packer Fan
Pulaski County State’s Attorney Grayson Gile
Thanks to sources deep inside the Pulaski County State’s attorney’s office, Bear Goggles On has learned that Pulaski County State’s Attorney Grayson Gile is a die-hard Packer fan. You read that correctly, he’s a Packer Backer. The anonymous source quoted Gile:
“As soon as I realized who he was, I decided to drop charges. I didn’t want to let Packer Nation down and slow down the Clay Matthews Express to Jay Cutler around left end.”
What do you think, Bears fans? Why do you think J’Webb beat the drug rap? Let’s see your ideas in the Comments.