Noted celebrity Chicago Bears fan Ashton Kutcher was recently interviewed by Esquire Magazine and among the many topics he discussed were his Beloved Chicago Bears and particularly quarterback Jay Cutler.
He has a signed Matt Forte helmet on his kitchen counter. There are more helmets downstairs. Vaguely fun.
He loves pro football, grew up in Iowa, in a house divided among NFC North loyalties. “My mom’s whole side of the family, they’re all Packers fans. My mom’s a Bears fan. My stepdad is a Vikings guy. So that gets ugly. My mom sits upstairs watching the Bears game; he sits in the basement. They can’t watch it together. Football’s a violent anger in our family dynamic.” He smiles when he says it. It’s a broad Cheshire grin, spread slowly, conspiratorially. He wants you in on it. Kind of fun.
He refers to the Bears in the first-person plural, as in, “Our defense is playing like a stud. We have to get more expansive in our passing.” He laments the Bears’ quarterback situation, even offers that he’d like to get a chance to work with Jay Cutler, the taciturn and erratic QB. Like any good fan, he believes he himself might have a role to serve. “I’d love to meet him, talk to him. Because I think he doesn’t do himself any service with his attitude. I don’t think it’s a bad attitude. I just think it’s the way he projects what he’s feeling. I don’t think it’s a matter of him thinking the wrong thing in the absence of the right thing. And I think there’s a way to project it, a certain way, and, you know, I would just like to get with him and work. He’s really fucking hard on himself. And I think I get that. That’s an aspect of me. I mean, writers on the show are always changing a line or something. And they’re looking at me, because I really grind the changes immediately. They’ll ask, ‘Hey, what’s the matter? You all right?’ And I’ll snap at them: ‘I think I can do it better. I can do that better — fuck, man, I gotta do that right.’ They say it was fine. I say fuck no. I can’t be fun to be around. I apologize. But it’s unpleasant. I have to work against that demanding part of me.” So, not fun.
As if the Jay Cutler needed any more help with his image, the former-Mr. Demi Moore would like to give his two cents. The funny thing is, I don’t think he’s wrong. It’s the way Jay projects his feelings that’s the problem, not that he’s feeling like that. Maybe Kutcher could give Jay some acting tips to help him project the right image. Do you think Phil Emery and the Bears would bring Kutcher on as a consultant? They went all the way to Canada to get a “quarterback whisperer” to coach Jay up? Is it so crazy to give him an acting coach? Then again, doesn’t Jay have a live-in acting coach in fiance’ Kristin Cavallari? If Kutcher comes to Chicago, I’d be happy to keep his gal pal Mila Kunis company while he’s off with Jay.