When I arrived I was very excited to find out that I wasn’t at Richie’s house, but his parents. His parents told me they needed to take part in the interview because they wanted to show that they supported their son. Below is the direct transcript of our interview.
Bacon: First of all I would like to start off by thanking you so much for doing this interview.
Richie Incognito: No problem. I just think this whole thing was a big misunderstanding and I want to clear my name.
Bacon: Fantastic, lets get started shall we?
Father (Richard Incognito): My son has done nothing wrong.
Richie: Thanks dad
Father: I’ve known my son since he was just a little piece of [expletive] and I know this little [expletive] cares about his [expletive] teammates.
Richie: You’re the [expletive] best dad. I just want to slap your [expletive] mouth and break your [expletive] jaw.
Father: I [expletive] love you too son. Hey… I’ll kill you.
Richie: I’ll kill you too dad.
Bacon: Oh my lord, what is going on?
Father: I don’t know what the [expletive] [expletive] you’re [expletive] talking a [expletive] bout.
Richie: This is just how the [expletive] Incognito family talks to our [expletive] friends. You dumb piece of [expletive] garbage.
Richie’s mother, Donna, walks in carrying a tray of chocolate chip cookies and a pitcher of lemonade.
Mother (Donna Incognito): I hope you [expletive] are [expletive] hungry for some half [expletive] piece of [expletive] chocolate chip cookies.
Richie: That’s how I know you’re a real mother. I want to [expletive] slap you across the face.
Mother: Oh honey, I want to [expletive] slap you across the face too.
Bacon: Alright, I think I have enough.
The Cover Stew is a satirical look at the Chicago Bears, the NFL and life in general.
Robert Bacon is a performer at the iO Chicago Theater and Second City TC HouseCo. You can see his Chicago sports themed sketch show titled “Everyone Hoops” in The de Maat Theater at Second City every Thursday. More info and ticket information CAN BE FOUND HERE.