The Cover Stew: The Bears Offensive Line has a Secret Weapon


As most of you know, it can take a few years for an offensive line to gel together to be the cohesive unit it needs to be to protect Jay Cutler.  In the past few seasons, the O-line has taken a beating from fans and the media, let alone its opposition.  After a couple practices at camp, however, it seems the Bears O-line is walking with their heads a little taller and not just to measure up to a returning Gabe Carimi.  The elder statesman of the group, Roberto Garza, filled everyone in on a little secret.

“As a group, we’ve been taking line dancing lessons together,” Garza said.  “It is a great way to build camaraderie.  Plus, we’re all moving in the same direction in a synchronized fashion and most of all, it is big fun!”

Most NFL players today have been turning to activities like MMA training in the offseason.  Suffice it to say, the Bears approach seems unique, to put it kindly.  I suppose this is better than the time Olin Kreutz mixed it up with Fred Miller at, of all places, a shooting range.  I suppose the worst that can happen here is that J’Marcus Webb trips over Chris Spencer in a botched Macarena turn, but that is something they are both able to do on the field at real speed anyway, so the dance floor seems safer.

Coach Mike Tice added, “if it keeps these guys working together and pulling from the same end of the rope, so to speak, I am all for it.  Plus, this is one less opportunity for them to invade an Old Country buffet, which was something Omiyale started them on last year.”

One has to wonder what the favorite routine of these behemoths might be…

“Definitely the Electric Slide, I mean, it’s electric and I have never seen Edwin Williams look so quick,” stated Gabe Carimi.

Here’s to hoping this crew can learn a new dance towards the tail end of the season…the Superbowl Shuffle!!!

 The Cover Stew is a satirical look at the Chicago Bears, Football and Life in General.