The Cover Stew: Jay Cutler Explains Real Problem with Mike Tice


During his post-game press conference, QB Jay Cutler answered questions about why he got up and walked away from OC Mike Tice during the first half on last night’s game.  The media continues to try to whip up stories about Cutler and his demeanor, rather than just accept when “Jay is being Jay.”  Football is not all about lollipops and rainbows; it is about grown men playing a violent sport and sometimes tempers flare.  However, that is not the cause of the QB’s latest sideline drama.

“You know, things weren’t going well, so naturally I was frustrated.  I have told you guys before I don’t do this for my health,” Cutler said.  “Last night though, I just needed to get away from Mike.  What you aren’t able to see is that Mike is one of those guys that when the game gets going, and especially when we are in a somewhat closed stadium like Dallas, is that Mike has really bad B.O.”

“It has been a problem since I was a player,” said Tice.  “I can’t walk from the sideline to the bench without getting an unsavory moisture building up.  It is something I am trying to work on and I am trying some new products out there, but it is definitely something I haven’t beaten so far.”

Cutler continued, “Some of you have asked why he doesn’t work from the booth.  You know, I could not imagine the stank that would be in that little coaches room if he worked up there, so that is a major reason for him being on the sidelines.  Generally JB (Jeremy Bates) will serve as the go between, so I don’t have to catch a whiff of it.”

“Fortunately, the weather is turning a bit,” said Tice.  “With the colder weather, comes a chance for me to keep my moisture in better check and everyone wins.  I will say, if it wasn’t for “my condition” I may have been on that boat cruise when I was in Minnesota with those players, but they wouldn’t even let me in the marina, so I guess it helped me that time.”

The Cover Stew is a satirical look at the Chicago Bears, Football and Life in General.