Halas Hall to Undergo Major Renovations – The Cover Stew

Is there a football man in the house?

The Chicago Bears recently released information on upcoming renovations to the venerable Halas Hall.  From an expanded weight room, dining hall, media rooms and offices, Halas Hall will increase 30% from 100,000 square feet to 130,000 square feet.  While we all yearn for football season under new Head Coach Marc Trestman, The Cover Stew thought it was important to dig into the renovation plans to highlight some of the, yet unpublicized, interesting additions to Halas Hall.

• An exact rendition of the hotel room that Coach Trestman and, then future NFL draft pick, Jay Cutler shared to discuss “ball.”  This is where Trestman and Cutler will meet one on one to discuss game plans during the season and will be named, “The Ball Room.”
• A darkroom for former Chairman, Michael McCaskey, to develop his photos in his never-ending quest for NFL Films to give him a shot as a sideline photographer.
• In the expanded weight room, a dunk tank will be installed.  The purpose of this will be two-fold:  Cutler will work on his accuracy and Cutler will be able to select an offensive lineman who failed to perform the previous week as his dunk-ee who will be required to wear a bikini throughout the planned 60 minute throwing session.
• The offensive line’s meeting room will be equipped with a Kinect for Xbox and versions of the wildly popular, Dance Central, will be the only games in the catalog for the linemen to work on their footwork.  This room will be called the Shuffle Suite.
• The Bears have proven that they don’t forget about past players by dedicating a small studio for Anthony Adams to continue making YouTube videos as he continues his comeback bid for ANY sport or other employment.
• The wide receivers meeting room will be equipped with mechanical, life sized replicas of CB Charles Tillman’s fists that will spring randomly to try to dislodge a football from the wide receivers’ hands during meetings.  If any ball hits the floor, that WR will be required to do 10 pushups and allow the mechanical fist to then punch him in the face before the meeting can resume.
• One addition in the plans is still tentative and calls for a Prayer Room for players of various religious faiths.  The word is this addition won’t happen if Gabe Carimi doesn’t make the team for the 2013 season.

“I am really excited about the changes in store,” said Head Coach Marc Trestman.  “I think the Bears recognize that change is good when you’re talking about ball and as long as our offense is putting the ball in the end zone, I couldn’t be happier.”

 The Cover Stew is a satirical look at the Chicago Bears, Football and Life in General.